grounding
creating space for a new season
For some time now, I feel as though I’ve been free-falling, endlessly, without anything to grasp hold of.
Exhausted of this bewilderment, I remembered one of my greatest inspirers, Philippe Petit — a French tightrope walker from the 70’s, who’s passionately walked along dangerously high wires between buildings that often surpassed the heavens.
Petit mentions that a good tightrope walker must ground himself on the wire when he becomes imbalanced before moving forward, or he may plummet entirely; you can’t move forward if you aren’t stabilized in presence.
Desperate for a new internal season, I realized that I needed to ground myself in order to create space for enlightenment to take form entirely…and also in hopes of maintaining it.
What’s Been Grounding Me Lately
removing mental and emotional weights
Subconsciously I am haunted by all the things I’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t, such as organizing my ever-accumulating Pinterest boards alongside the endless sea of photos in my camera roll and trying new things from recipes to hobbies.
I’ve made a list of every Pinterest board I want to clean out, addressing each one by one (which has been equally as satisfying as pinning things to my boards), and in turn has motivated me to actually cook new foods, decorate in a way I’ve always wanted, and has built on my desired ways of living/perceiving.
Every time I check off a board that I’ve cleaned out, it feels as though another weight is lifted off my shoulders, leaving space for inspiration and motivation.
being organized, focus, and consistent with the direction I’m going
I’ve been [for the most part] taking daily notes in the notes’ app of why everything is okay now and why it’s not. I’ve put this section in a table to stay organized, where I write every little thing that brings me joy each day on the left, and every negative aspect that shows up on the right.
It’s been helping me stay accountable for keeping my attention on track while helping me build a habit to seek the light alongside the opposing through each day.
I’ve also been trying to get back into meditating daily again, which hasn’t been much of a success. However, I’ve been using this table as a means to compose myself at the end of each day; I’ll look through the weighted, ruminative side first, rounding out the negative as much as possible with something along the lines of: tomorrow’s another day to try again or I can do X to move this energy along.
After making the dark a little less so, I read through the enlightened moments of my day, relishing in them, filling of gratitude, to hopefully veer from regret of not utilizing these things to their full capacity once they’ve gone.
To maintain consistency with meditation in the mornings, I’ve also been trying my best to spend a few deep breaths in my conscious mind, observing nature actively unfolding before me.
seeking assurance that a new season is on the horizon
I’m inspired, deeply, by nature, and something that has really helped me through my darkest hours is by noticing how nature signals when a new season is afoot.
For Arizona, the first signal of autumn nearing is that the sun begins to set earlier…then the weather subtly follows, then the gradual changes in leaf colors….
I started using this way of observation with my own hardship; feeling as though I’ve been amidst an internal harsh, elongated winter, I began seeking signals of an internal spring nearing.
I took a step back to peer at my life, seeking metaphorical sprouts, perhaps a single blades of grass, or any sign of new leaves potentially beginning to grow…
Perceiving my hardship in accordance with nature was the first sign that spring was near…for once, I had something to hold onto that I understood, something that gave me hope without fear and motivated me to carry on.
Alongside seeking signals of spring, I had to seek what it required of me to transition successfully.
External spring in nature requires stillness, basking in subtly rising warmth, and allowing it to fulfill. For me, this meant being opened to new beginnings, letting go and trusting that everything was going to be okay, and moving in ways that aligned with these beliefs, such as asking myself, what can I do now with what I currently obtain? whether that be new information, a new idea, perspective, or opportunity.
seeking peace with God (Jehovah) and finding my place within spirituality
I was angry with God for some time.
I didn’t want to be, but trying for the opposing felt as if I was abandoning myself and how I felt.
With the hope of an internal spring on the horizon, I had to seek peace.
Firstly, this meant acknowledging how I felt and being understanding towards myself for how I felt…how I felt was rational, how I acted was not.
When I was ready, I asked for clarity, seeking a light of truth to shine on what I’ve doubted and a light of correction to where I was mistaken; I’ve also been asking for His guidance to help me take necessary steps forward to achieve what I desire.
It took a few days to unravel my tightly wound knot of anger, but I’ve felt so much better after understanding it and working with it — I have hope on my side again, and a lot more of it.
I’d like to think that our belief system holds a great deal of power — believing a new internal season is on the horizon often opens doors that welcome us to make it possible.
All it takes is a small leap of faith and grounding yourself where you’ve decided to plant yourself; only then, can we truly blossom.
However, I must admit…I do still obtain anxieties, worry, and discomfort that transformation often demands…only now, alongside a vague sense that everything’s going to be okay, which is enough and makes all the difference.
attending my garden, a similar series
